Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Covering Up Grant in 2012

(Me with My Star in Hollywood)

Happy 2012! The beginning of a new year is always exhilarating. I always have high hopes and grand dreams, with a couple resolutions sprinkled in between. 2011 was a bit of a whirlwind. I learned to let go of expectations, allowing for surprises in their own time. Letting go of control is not something that comes easily to me. I plan things. I know what order to apply my cleanser, toner, mask, serum, moisturizer and sometimes spot treatment. 

But life threw me curve balls in 2011. Two things that I thought I wanted the most rejected me in the most humbling way. Everyone on the Bachelor/Bachelorette chose the wrong fiance and I started watching those annoying (but addicting) shows.  After initially drawing the conclusion that it's best to want nothing and becoming a Buddhist, I decided that this approach felt like defeat, given my American heritage. So, I modified the outlook. Dream big, but let those dreams evolve. Dreams are distant desires and sometimes, when they get close, it's not actually the anticipated outcome. For example, I wanted glasses when I was younger. Now, I can't see a thing without glasses or contacts. Be careful what you wish for.

In 2011, I landed my dream job, but it did not complete me in the way I expected. It didn't give me purpose or that perfect balance for happiness that I anticipated. Instead, I found myself more anxious and unhappy than when I found out the whole Kardashian Fairytale Wedding was a shame. But this disappointment proved to be the greatest blessing in disguise. I do not need anything to be my best possible self. Dream jobs, a perfect marriage and a pair of Manolos do not allow me the platform to be happy, perfect and/or fulfilled. I am the platform and appreciating this was the most important lesson of 2011.

I think the beauty of 2011 is that I realized the lovely little life I have, with or without my own reality TV show.  I realized that sometimes this is as good as it's going to get on a Tuesday night-cuddled up next to my dog, reflecting to the blog world-and then loving every second of it. 

The wonder is in the perception, not the expectations. I'm not coming to you from the Bravo clubhouse where I hang out with Andy (5 nights a week!!), but I am blogging from a serene place of well-being and thankfulness for all that I do have. And I perceive that to be wonderful.
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