Saturday, September 29, 2012

Thoughts for a Monday

Obstacles arise. Do I learn who my real friends are or do my friends learnwho I really am? Or maybe it has nothing at all to do with me. Every momentthere are a million directions being pursued- people fall, people succeed,people lull and it takes time to realize how it all shakes out. As a friend recently pointed out, the 20s are a "defining decade", nothing has been completely established or fully realized. But it's hard to subside the feeling that everything needs to be a little more defined by now.

Regardless of my trials and tribulations, people continue to surprise me and I need to learn to be more accepting and more forgiving. It’s the quiet friends who always meetme halfway, while the others abandon me at any obstacle. Or is it because Iabandon myself? Everyone around me is constantly surprising and supporting mewhen I need it most, even strangers lift my spirits.  I’m a people pleaserand I want everyone to be happy, and happy with me. But, if I know how to make myself happy, it’s transferrable. Also, I should probably stop focusing on myself so much- Lesson #1. These are my confessions.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Moments to appreciate

Life never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes the amazement is a bit upsetting and sometimes it provokes ironic laughter, but a sense of general amazement is an adequate description for now. Today, as I walked into my apartment, there was an overwhelming urge to just lie in bed. George quickly felt the same urge and cuddled up next to me, chomping away at his awkward chew toy. I stared at the ceiling with an overwhelming sensation of contentment and satisfaction. Just lying there, in my own apartment, my beloved dog at my feet, with happiness. These moments often flee the scene before I'm able to even acknowledge, let alone appreciate, them. It was lovely to pretend that all the life chaos was gone.

A friend from college is currently in South America with the Peace Corps and her life, or the way she describes it, is nothing short of wonderful. The work is hard with long, challenging hours, but everything is worth it for the moments she's able to enjoy backpacking through countries or frolicking on beaches. These are the moments that deserve all of the focus.

Yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work to get the final ingredients to make dinner. In the check out line, I realize the most important ingredient was absent from my basket. I check out and contemplate the importance of the missing puzzle piece all the way to my car before deciding that the spaghetti sauce is nothing without the Italian sausage. So I dropped off the first bag of groceries and head back in the store to battle the masses once more, slowly muttering, "This is a nightmare." Rushing through the store and then back to my car for the second time, I repeated, "This is a disaster." Then, while repeating the personal mantra and waiting for the cars to let me out, I realized the level of ridiculousness. After leaving my full-time job and taking my beloved dog to the dog park, my attitude is nearly debilitated from having to buy a second round of groceries for the dinner I'm about to cook for friends. Nothing about that is unfortunate, much less a "disaster" of any sort. 

All this to say, enjoy the moment my friends, and, if that proves difficult, step back until a moment to appreciate is found.