After a whirlwind weekend, I've come across a revelation. There are a lot of negative moments surrounding my life and I constantly feel them pulling me down. I try to dispel them with positive thoughts or distract myself with reality television (RHOC is on tonight!), but these are obviously not enduring. What then? For the past two years my life feels like failure after failure. I've applied to a graduate school program and hundreds of jobs in hopes that either option would create more fulfillment in my life, but nothing has worked out just yet. And then, this quote:
"Research shows that the more elements make up your identity, the less threatening it is when any one element is threatened." - The Happiness Project (Rubin 78)
Elements will be threatened. That's life. But my entire identity for the past 20 years has always been based in school, work or internships. That was a constant. And these elements are threatened. I'm no longer in school, so that's out for now and I'm not happy with my job, which is 70 percent of every weekday. So, no wonder I feel defeated on a daily basis. There's nothing helping my identity along during these challenging times, or encouraging me through each failure. I have wonderful friends, a perfect dog and a beyond understanding boyfriend, but my own identity is lacking.
All this to say, I need more elements, something to build an identity around, get me through failures as I take chances. My life needs challenge and accomplishment.