...although sometimes it seems easier. Or maybe I just don't know how to love. There needs to be a secret, a secret that everyone is in on where all of the sudden love is illuminated and it becomes like the movies. That would be nice. But it isn't always like the movies and sometimes it's agonizing, well, maybe it isn't love that is agonizing, but the absence of love, or when I begin to doubt (myself). I don't know what I'm doing.